Spain is awesome, and I’ve been blessed enough to meet some really interesting and fantastic people. But there are moments when it’s hard. Moments not necessarily of homesickness, not necessarily of sadness, but moments of just… emptiness. Moments when I just feel very alone, and that no one truly understands what I’m going through. These can occur both when I´m with others, or when I´m by myself. Since arriving in Spain, I’ve been afraid of such moments, trying everything I can to avoid them. Therefore, much of the socializing I’ve been doing has been driven by the fear of being alone.
Such a drive to feel wanted, however, has only led me to crave the approval of those around me. I want friends, I want companionship, and I want to be liked. I want to fit in, and I want to have a good time. Perhaps this isn’t the worst of motivations, but on Friday night, I listened to Austin Stone’s(my church back home in Austin) sermon on idolatry, and it wrecked me. I’ve been so caught up in myself, in adapting to life in Spain, to making friends, that I hadn’t realized how much the approval from those around me had become an idol to me. This realization, along with the fact that I was extremely tired, and that I was having a problem booking train tickets, and because I had had a disappointing day, left me feeling incredibly broken, extremely frustrated, and most importantly, very alone. I mention this, not for your sympathy, and definitely not to be dramatic, but because it was this evening that led to a change of heart. A shift in perspective. I might feel alone, but I am never alone. God has promised to always be with me and to help me through any problems that I could ever have, assuring that he will never leave me and never forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). I don’t have to chase after him, I don’t have to coordinate a date, I just have to remember that He’s there. And let’s be real- how awesome is that?!
For Saturday, I had planned a day trip to Toledo, and while I had tried to coordinate with other people, no one was able to join me. Saturday morning, however, I woke up, excited to just spend the day with God, and looking forward to get away from the city and listen for what He had to say to me. While the emotion from the night before still lingered over me, I found myself smiling as I looked out the window, found myself hopeful with the day to come. Not only was this was to be my first of many travels, but Toledo was supposed to be beautiful.
And let me tell you- it was. It’s only a 30 minute train ride from Madrid to Toldeo, so I only had time to flip through a couple pages of my guidebook before I had arrived. The train dropped me at a precious little station on the outskirts of town, from which I had a lovely view of the city at large.
The Train Station
The City at Large
A winding, and uphill road brought me to the Hospital de Tavera, a stronghold on the Northern edge of the city.
View from the inner courtyard
Despite its title as a “Hospital”, it’s actually a sort of stronghold/palace of sorts, built by the Cardinal Tavera in the second half of the 16th century. In addition to a hospital and pharmacy, the building housed an incredible library, salons for the elite, several meeting rooms, a chapel, and even a crypt (which I ventured into by myself and it freaked me out! Centuries of the dead was a little too unsettling). If the antiquity of the rooms themselves weren’t interesting enough, sprinkled throughout were El Greco paintings (legend has it that he came to Toledo to study and chose to stay there because it was so beautiful. The citizens are pretty proud of this).
Once I had had my fill of el Hospital, I ventured through La Puerta del Arrabal into the heart of the city.
La Puerta del Arrabal
Because I had time, and no one’s agenda but my own, I spent the next while just meandering through the city, leisurely admiring the architecture and the twisting, hilly streets.
And I mean extremely hilly streets. Check it out:
Because Toledo sits atop its own little hill, if you stick to an edge of the city you can get a great view of the surrounding countryside. The patchwork of roofs, the large expanses of field, and cobblestone roads peeking out here and there… it left me speechless, completely in awe of God and His beauty. I felt so comforted and so loved, as if he had been saving this view for me, for when I really needed it. And I wanted to have a picture with it. All day I had been taking pictures of things, but I wanted to be a part of this. I heard the people next to me speaking English, so I turned to ask for their help. And do you know what? I knew them; they were also Americans attending Comillas and I had met them the other night at a bar. When I told them that I was there by myself, they invited me into their group. Oh, well, and they took my picture.
With my new companions, we stopped by el Acazar, an old Roman fortress built in 192 BC that now houses a weapons museum. Opting out of the 8 euro entrance ticket, we admired the architecture and then began looking for the renowned Cathedral of Toledo. Because the city is so small, as well as confusing, we decided not to follow our maps, but rather just look for spires with crosses. And eventually it worked! Actually, it’s pretty hard to miss.
This Cathedral was built in the 13th century, on the site where a Moorish mosque once stood. If you’re not familiar with the history of Spain, you should know that the country was occupied by Moors for several centuries before it was reclaimed by the Christians through the Reconquista. For Toledo, the city’s Moorish rule ended when Alfonso VI captured the city in 1085. For these reasons, the city has an incredibly interesting mix of Islamic and Christian culture. For example, in the cathedral, while paintings and frescos dominate the interior, its outside courtyard has tiles and geometric patterns in a typical Arabic fashion. What’s more, the numerous sculptures and murals depict not only Biblical images, but images of the Christians taking Grenada from the Moors. But all this backstory aside, the cathedral was amazingly beautiful; I stopped taking pictures because I didn’t think I could capture it all with my camera. But pictured below is me in front of the main alter, graciously taken by my friend Katie.
The only downside to the Cathedral was that it was so cold! That day it was only in the lower 40s outside, and being in the dark surrounded by marble only made things worse. Although I wanted to stay there all day, I was driven out when I lost feeling in my fingers.
We stopped for a quick lunch, and then made our way over to El Museo de Santa Cruz , where we were able to admire art spanning several centuries. The most notable was another El Greco: The Immaculate Conception (I tried to post a link to it, and its not working, but I'd highly recommend checking it out).
At this point, I had to catch my train back to Madrid, so I said good bye to the group and hiked back on over to the train station. The sun was setting, illuminating the western fields and covering Toledo in a hazy darkness. As I turned for my final glimpse of the city, I saw a Spanish flag atop a hill, catching the remaining light of the day. I know, I know,its BEYOND CHEESY, but I couldn´t help it. I´m a Romantic at heart.
So in short, this day was fantastic, filled with eye candy and history and good company. After such a bleak night before, it was certainly a blessing. But it was more than a fun time in a foreign city, more than a string of pleasant events. What made it was the fact that for the first time in a long time, I was acutely aware of the presence that God holds in my life. Corny? For sure. But true. But I don't want to fprget this lesson and continue to have those moments of frustration and loneliness. Because I'm done with loneliness. I'm done with it, and I'm ready for whatever lays before me.
With my love, from Spain
-Krista
Love hearing about your life!!! So glad Jesus is bringing you to joyful places with him!
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